Nothing is right and nothing is wrong, I’m just sharing with you from my experience. I learn something from what I lived, after I know the teachings of Abraham, I can see it so clearly and I share it with you because our example is the one that teaches.
If you are doing anything, a gift, a talk, a walk, a baby, you have to do it because doing that thing will just make you feel better than you are feeling right now.
So if you will have a baby you should have it only because he will bring you feelings like love, appreciation, joy, freedom, and anything else that is better than that. You have to do it because you know that your life will change and you have to be eager and expectant of that amazing change.
Because if you don’t it’s probably to end up with an unhealthy child like me. My mother didn’t want me to be born. She was very honest and proud when she told me that, she has in mind the fact that I changed completely her life, she wanted a different life but she had to be content with this shitty child and the life I brought. So there was blame behind every try to love me, there was a silent “you ruined my life” behind every “I love you” she told me. That’s why I couldn’t feel loved, the love just wasn’t sent to me, it was sent to the life she didn’t get, to me came the feeling of blame, the feeling of regret, even though she was trying to hide it and telling me how much she loved me, I didn’t feel it. The people outside saw that the problem was at me, but I can see it clearly now that I wasn’t the problem. Maybe it would’ve been better to leave me when she had me because living with no positive emotions it’s a big factory in manifesting the disease I live with right now in my body.
Back then when I had few years and she told me the story of how she didn’t wanted me, I just didn’t realized what that means, I was thinking that is what happens with every mother, I didn’t knew what love, joy, freedom, appreciation, happiness is. When she yelled at me that I am a bad kid, that I lie, that I don’t eat, that she worked so much for me and I don’t appreciate it, sometimes she was beating me and at the same time she was saying to me that she loves me. So the feeling of love for me was so confusing. And what I understood was love back then, just haven’t let me love a guy how my friends did. Because everything is attraction and I just couldn’t attract love from feeling the absence of love.
With the absence of love and the beliefs I’ve got from this society, at 13 years I’ve got diagnosed with a genetic disease that then at 20 put me in a wheelchair. At 30 I find out about Abraham, fact that made me understand it’s all in my mind, it’s all in what I feel, and now at 35 I know I don’t have a disease, I HAVE A VIBRATIONAL THING, I JUST HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING TO LOVE SO MUCH THAT WHAT IS UNWANTED WILL GO AWAY. Until now the only thing that I found IS ME, IS MY SELF, IS WHO I REALLY AM.
This contrast made me understand everything I know now, I am so thankful for being so understanding, there is no room for blame or regret, everyone did what they thought it is the best thing to do, I am happy I’ve got to this point of understanding THAT I DID, I’M DOING AND I WILL DO EVERYTHING TO MYSELF, AND IF I KNOW THAT WOULD BE BETTER TO DO THE BEST THINGS TO MYSELF FOR NOW ON.
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